Tuesday, August 26, 2008

The Journey.....

Equilibrium August 26, 2008

The journey into our emotions, into “inner space”, is possibly the last
great journey left for humankind.

Here’s a quote from the late great George Carlin, just sent to me by a friend of mine. I think it says it all:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbour. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...
Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.
Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.
Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.
Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
George Carlin

In peace
And now, check out this new video clip.
See how you can help people conquer “inner space” and reap rewards for yourself.
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Wednesday, August 13, 2008

HOW YOU FEEL IS WHAT WE GET

HOW YOU FEEL IS WHAT WE GET
It’s hard to be so self-aware that we understand how other people see us. I was reminded of that (again) when working with a couple recently. I asked them each to say what they had heard the other say and to get as much as they could into their partner’s shoes in describing what they felt.

They tried; they really did, although it was a challenge for them. Three interesting things happened. One was that each of them described what they thought the other person said and felt with what seemed to be reasonable accuracy from what I had observed. The second thing was that both of them denied that they felt that way. As one said, “I don’t feel like that at all – at least I don’t think so.” The third thing that emerged was that, in turn, each later said that they did feel just as their partner had said, and hadn’t realized it.

It is quite amazing how accurately our innate sensors pick up on the feelings of others. Almost as amazing is how unaware we are of how we are feeling at any given time. We give out the signals quite sub-consciously, hoping, perhaps that someone else will pick up on them. The sad thing is that most people don’t know what to do with what they receive. All we know is that what you feel is what we get.
In peace
Congratulations to our latest Emotional Fitness Coach. Maria Schmid, who is also completing her training as a certified psychologist, is now licensed as an EFit Coach and is practicing in Calgary. Contact me now to find out how you can join Maria and the other certified Emotional Fitness Coaches wherever you are.
If you enjoyed Equilibrium of August 13, 2008 please reply with your comments or feedback. If you are sharing this with others please be sure to quote my name in full and my website www.efitinstitute.com Thank you.
(403) 245-5463 or toll free 1-866-310-EFit (3348)

Friday, August 1, 2008

Assumptions Are The Death of Communication

Equilibrium August 1, 2008

ASSUMPTIONS ARE THE DEATH OF COMMUNICATION

“I thought you said you’d done that.” “No, I said I’d need more time and some training before I could complete it.” “Well, I assumed you were getting the training.” “No, I was waiting for you to train me.”

This was the gist of a conversation I overheard recently in a coffee bar between two people working in the head office of a large corporation. Couples make the same kind of assumptions, each thinking that the other said or meant something that never got checked out until, perhaps, they talk it through in front of me.

Everywhere, in small and large organizations, in families and across communities, communication breaks down because we make assumptions based on what we believe instead of listening and understanding what the other actually means.

Our Emotional Fitness training and coaching enables individuals, couples, teams and organizations to create internal environments where they can truly communicate in a way that brings the best out of everyone.

Once we become more emotionally fit, it is easier to set aside the inner voices that prevent us from seeing and hearing clearly. Check out your own assumptions next time you have a conversation – and don’t assume that the other person is the one who has to change!

In peace
Train now as an Emotional Fitness Coach. Wherever you are, you can learn the tools to enable you to offer the most empowering coaching approach available. Don’t assume you can’t do it! Contact me now to find out how you can begin.
(403) 245-5463 or toll free 1-866-310-EFit (3348)

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Calling All Dads!

Equilibrium July 24, 2008

CALLING ALL DADS! NEW CD OUT NOW

BE A GREAT DAD – building your legacy is the title of a new CD produced by Warren Redman in conjunction with Families Matter, a Calgary-based not-for-profit organization dedicated to the healthy development and well-being of families.

The CD is a series of interviews with dads, kids and moms about the five things great dads do. Also on the disc is a special excerpt of a story from Stuart McLean.

If you’re a dad, make sure you get this for yourself. And for the rest of you, give this as a great gift to any dad you know.

You can now purchase this audio CD online through us. Most of the proceeds will go to Families Matter to go back into their development work with fathers.

In peace
You can train now as Emotional Fitness Coaches at a distance. Wherever you are, you can learn the tools to enable you to offer the most empowering coaching approach available. It’s your choice! Contact me now to find out how you can begin.
(403) 245-5463 or toll free 1-866-310-EFit (3348)

Friday, July 18, 2008

Having No Choice Is A Personal Option

Equilibrium July 18, 2008


HAVING NO CHOICE IS ALWAYS A PERSONAL OPTION
from The 9 Steps to Emotional Fitness

Last week I was in the UK spending time with family members – something that doesn’t happen often for me these days. It was the occasion of my father’s 90th birthday. He was surrounded by his children and most of his grandchildren.

During the conversations and the memories they evoked, I found myself drawn into times when, as a young boy, I felt frustrated because it appeared that I had no choice in how my life was being mapped out for me.

It may be true that when we are small children, our choices are pretty limited in terms of the big things in life. One of the things we need to learn as we develop and grow into adulthood is that we always have a choice.

When you hear yourself say that you have no choice but to continue this or that, or that you can’t take a decision to change something in your life, you are reverting to an old childhood pattern of feeling powerless. You can make the excuses that you lack resources, time or money, or that other people would be upset. In the end choosing not to do or to do what in your heart you really want is solely within your power.

When I was in England I went to visit an old and dear friend who is battling the return of a cancer that has been dogging her for years. In the past she has always fought it off; this time the signs are not good. Her choice is to face each day with joy and determination to move ahead with her life enthusiastically.

What’s your choice?

In peace
You can train now as Emotional Fitness Coaches at a distance. Wherever you are, you can learn the tools to enable you to offer the most empowering coaching approach available. It’s your choice! Contact me now to find out how you can begin.
(403) 245-5463 or toll free 1-866-310-EFit (3348)

Friday, July 4, 2008

Monoatheistic Entity (ME)

MONOATHEISTIC ENTITY (ME)
By Warren Redman
The recent spate of books and movies promoting the idea of God and spirituality or refuting the concept of a deity indicate one thing – God is big business. Put God or some similar highly spiritually evocative name in the title of your book and you’ll sell a ton. The entrancement of humans with the desire to make sense of ourselves, our universe and all that’s in it and to explain the otherwise inexplicable is one of the main phenomena that distinguishes humans from any other living entity. Not only do we need to explain; we need something to hang on to when doubt creeps in. Furthermore, those who believe in a “higher power”, or creator or God or other form of external entity that has a mysterious power over our fate and our world have a tendency to see themselves as more highly evolved than those who don’t.

Recent research has indicated that those living in secular as distinct from religiously-based countries are more likely to be content and at peace with themselves and their neighbours. This runs counter to conventional wisdom and raises some interesting questions. One of these questions is “how does the myth that religion brings about inner peace survive the facts?” Another is “what do people who don’t believe in God actually believe in that makes them more content?” A third is “what makes people stick to their religious beliefs in the face of apparently overwhelming lack of evidence that God exists?” I will have a mild attempt at answering these questions, partly to help myself understand them and partly to invite your debate. Most of all, I want to answer a fourth question: “in the absence of a belief in God what core belief can a person hold that takes us to the highest level of humanity?”

How does the myth that religion brings about inner peace survive the facts?

At least two of the world’s great religions – Christianity and Islam – have as part of their basis in the belief that our real bliss and inner peace and happiness is promised in the afterlife. A significant message to believers, or promised to those who can be brought into the faith, is that you will receive the blessings for this presently lived life in heaven. Struggle, therefore, becomes a virtue and is accepted by the millions who face everyday deprivation, misery and unhappiness because their reward will come as long as they pray and as long as they give themselves selflessly to the teachings of their particular religious branch. Facts, therefore, become irrelevant or easily refutable to those who hold onto their faith as a fact in itself.

What do people who don’t believe in God actually believe in that makes them more content?

A researcher, or rather a body of research might attempt an answer which would always fall short of anyone really knowing what disbelievers believe in. My own thoughts are simply that, based on my limited experience of being in other people’s minds and only my own inner searching to go on. It appears, on the face of it, that disbelievers generally don’t believe in anything specific at all; it is simply the absence of belief. The result of that, while not leading people to any great depth of thought or insights into who they are, at least has the possibility of them being free from doubt, fear and antipathy to others of different views. The absence of religious belief, therefore, also provides a stronger basis for the absence of negative beliefs.

The absence of a faith does not necessarily mean the absence of a belief. Atheists, agnostics, humanists are all examples of people who have thought out their views and adhere to a set of principles to which they adhere in life, usually of their own making or based on the values espoused by the societies or groups to which they attach themselves. Since there is no promotion of such beliefs, or organized attempts to bring people into the “fold”, those who hold views of this nature tend to hold them independently and are not easily identifiable. This in itself may serve to bring contentment.

What makes people stick to their religious beliefs in the face of apparently overwhelming lack of evidence that God exists?

Those who have religious beliefs have the belief itself as their evidence. If they believe in the bible, that is all the evidence they need. If they believe in the word of their priest or imam or other religious leader, no other evidence is needed. Only those who disbelieve would require evidence of the existence of God. The result is that a believer will never persuade a disbeliever or vice-versa. In-between, however, there are many who have doubts. These are the ones who become potential members of a religious group, and who keep the proselytizers continuing their efforts to add to their numbers. The doubters, who don’t find something to hold onto are also the ones who may experience life as more complicated and difficult and who, when they do “find religion” become the most ardent advocates of their chosen faith.

In the absence of a belief in God what core belief can a person hold that takes us to the highest level of humanity?

To answer this question I want to take a very idiosyncratic approach and to coin a word that demands an explanation. Monoatheism may seem something of a non-sequitur (as well as a mouthful), but it describes most aptly what I do believe. Before I go on to describe its meaning, I have to add another category of belief to the general understanding of religion, that is the belief in the efficacy of psychological typing, from Meyers Briggs, to the Enneagram, to Emotional Intelligence (or EQ) testing, among a barrage of others. The fervour that accompanies such instruments and their proponents is almost as strong as that of any religious sect.

As a Monoatheistic Entity (ME) I have the freedom to be me, together with the responsibility that goes with it and the complete accountability for my actions. To become a ME is not an easy option. It is a journey of intense and continuing personal growth, of learning from sometimes painful experience, of exploration and trial and error as well as the more formal education and personal study that provides a variety of others’ viewpoints. Monoatheism is the term I use for a belief in the one, unique and quite extraordinary individual who is me. It demands that I hold myself to the highest values in which I believe: that is firstly to hold others as being unique and extraordinary individuals, deserving the same respect, wanting and capable of the same love, having their own personal beliefs and values and potential for reaching their dearest goals in life.
Being a ME also means attaining a personal degree of emotional, physical, intellectual and spiritual (yes!) fitness to the highest level of one’s potential abilities, without succumbing to the exhortations of others to fit into a mould of their making. This not only includes the pressures to join organized religious groups, or to fit into neatly-packaged psychological and sociological stereotypes, but also the whims of societies that create desires for products of little value apart from the apparent status they impart to the owner and the added wealth it brings to the producer.

A Monoatheistic Entity will learn from religious writings, as well as from philosophers, historians, artists and other creative minds. But the ME will learn more from his or her own personal experiences and own fertile imagination. Putting that experience to good use, the ME knows that the path s/he is on and the legacy s/he has to offer is a unique one. The ME understands and accepts that there is no life after death and that the soul has existence only in the living being. It is our duty to bring value to the living and the unborn. The souls of the dead exist as long as they are within the consciousness of the living.

The best example of this in my own experience is that of my great-grandfather, who died in 1947, when I was seven years old. As long as I hold not only his memory, but the essence of him within me, he will remain an entity that lives on. I will do my best to pass on the knowledge of him through me to my children and others, so that his light continues. But it exists only in us. It is not a free-floating entity that roams around in some mysterious way looking for a place to alight.

So it is with God. God can only exist if humans allow it to be so. Humans created the concept of God to deal with the vast unknowingness that faced early communities. It explained so much and, to the delight of men and women who loved storytelling, fitted perfectly within that tradition. It was also a superb way of organizing society and retaining control over it for those who enjoyed the wielding of power.

The core belief of the ME is at least as strongly held as that of any believer in God. The ethical values and integrity of the ME are based, not on externally imposed rules, but on the set of life principles that are part of the ME’s commitment to personal growth.

Monoatheism is therefore a choice of personal challenge, human development and belief in the value and uniqueness in the one entity that is constant from birth to death – the self. And since that belief is one which acknowledges all others as having the same value and uniqueness, it is one of acceptance and of love. It is an attainment of the highest level of humanity. And by definition, nobody has to join!

© Warren Redman, July 2008

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Something To Read This Summer

Equilibrium July 2, 2008

SOMETHING TO READ THIS SUMMER
If you enjoy reading fiction, I invite you to read an as yet unpublished novel of mine. It’s called “State of Flux” and is about four people searching for meaning in their lives. It involves romance, spiritual growth, intrigue and mystery.

I will send you an electronic copy if you let me know that you’d like one. All I ask is that you let me have your opinion of the book once you have read it. Just reply to this message and make your request.

This week I will be visiting the U.K. spending time mostly with family and celebrating my dad’s 90th birthday. On which note, watch out for news about the CD that I have just completed with the organization Families Matter. It’s called “Be a Great Dad – building your legacy” and features interviews with dads, moms and kids as well as a story from Stuart McLean.
In peace
You can train now as Emotional Fitness Coaches at a distance. Wherever you are, you can learn the tools to enable you to offer the most empowering coaching approach available. Contact me now to find out how you can begin.
(403) 245-5463 or toll free 1-866-310-EFit (3348)